


Survivor's Guilt

by starrynebula



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Episode Tag, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-22
Updated: 2015-01-22
Packaged: 2018-03-08 15:24:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3214124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrynebula/pseuds/starrynebula
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When news of the deaths of the Maquis reach the former Maquis of Voyager, each must find a way to deal with it in their own way. Sometimes it means leaning on others.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Survivor's Guilt

_Prompt: Jake - “Good news for all you murder fans.” - ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’_

For the first time that he could recall, Kenneth Dalby didn’t react to terrible news with anger the way most of his fellow Maquis had. He felt as though he should. After all, the cause he had spent years of his life supporting, had been wiped out. People whom he had fought beside were gone. Yet, he didn’t feel anger. Instead he felt sorrow for those who had lost their lives and relief.

Yes he grieved the lost of his past comrades, but those who had been massacred by the Cardassians and their allies, weren’t the only Maquis to lose their life to the cause. They had all known the risks when they had signed on. How many of his fellow Maquis had he seen killed in battle back in the Alpha Quadrant? He had lost count long before coming to the Delta Quadrant. The deaths he could remember were those who had lost their lives here, on Voyager. Those were the ones that were freshest. They were the people, whose faces he saw in his nightmares. He mourned the death of every comrade but that was the chance you took in war. The Maquis that were killed back in the Alpha Quadrant weren’t innocent, like his wife and so many others that the Cardassians had butchered had been. They had known the risks when they chose to join the Maquis. Just like everyone onboard Voyager knew the risks that came with the job.

While his fellow Maquis focused on what had been lost at home, Dalby chose to focus on the fact that he had been spared that fate. As much as he had fought being a part of Voyager’s crew at the beginning, he had to admit he liked the life he had built here. He had made friends here. Maybe had even found love again, though that was still in its early stages. He had found a way to give his life purpose. A purpose that he hoped his wife would have been proud of. Given the mistakes of his past, he never would have been able to do that in the Alpha Quadrant.

Dwelling on those already gone, wouldn’t accomplish anything. Reaching out to those here with him now would. He would be there for those here who needed someone to lean on. Who needed a sounding board to deal with the loss they had just suffered. After all, the only ones he had ever developed close relationships with had been a part of Chakotay’s cell, and even then he hadn’t really let himself get too close with anyone until after they got stranded out here. He had no clue which of his fellow Maquis had close ties with those who had been lost back home.

So when he noticed Gerron slip quietly out of the mess hall, where Chakotay had gathered them all to break the news, Dalby followed. Though he had opened up some in the last few years of being on Voyager, there was still a lot that Gerron kept to himself. Given what he now knew about Gerron’s family being wiped out, leading to him joining the Maquis, Dalby was concerned about what might be going through the young Bajoran’s head right now.

The engineer had expected Dalby to retreat to his quarters. It was soon evident to Dalby though that Gerron wasn’t heading in that direction. It confused him even more when Gerron climbed into the jefferies tubes. Wondering where the younger man was heading, Dalby followed. He finally caught up with Gerron in one of the junctions. Climbing out of the tube he had been crawling through, Dalby silently sat down next to Gerron.

“I didn’t think anyone saw me slip away,” Gerron commented, acknowledging Dalby’s presence but not looking in the older man’s direction.

“You should know me better than that,” Dalby replied, and then fell silent. Though he wasn’t above prying for information, he wanted to see if Gerron would open up to him on his own.

“It’s great news for all the Starfleet personnel, huh. A few less Maquis to deal with,” Gerron said, the sarcastic bitterness clear in his voice.

“I suppose there are some who feel that way. However, I don’t think most of our shipmates will feel that way. We’re a part of this crew now. I think most of them will at least be respective of the loss we’ve all suffered.”

“Are we really? Do you think any of them will stand up for us if we get back to the Alpha Quadrant? Most likely we’ll end up in prison with Sveta.”

“I’d like to think we’d have some allies among the Voyager crew and that the Captain would be among them,” Dalby countered, thinking about how far all of them had come over the last few years. He truly did feel like they were one crew now and he had a feeling most of them felt that way. “I think that if we do get back, they’ll at least put a good word in for us with Starfleet. I know Tal would,” he added.

“She’d be better off not associating with me. You all would.”

“Why do you say that?” Dalby asked, fear creeping up inside him. He had forgotten how angry and closed off Gerron had been when he had first met him. It had taken a lot of patience and unreciprocated acts of friendship for him to get through the defenses that Gerron had erected around himself. The last thing he wanted was for Gerron to retreat behind those defenses again.

“Because it seems like any group that claims me as a member ends up being wiped out. My family. The Mquis. Chances are, Voyager is next.”

“I wouldn’t count us out just yet,” Dalby said, thinking of all the things they had survived together so far. They had battled and won against the Kazon, Vidians, Borg, Hirogen, and other alien species here in the Delta Quadrant and they had done it by working together. “Besides, I guarantee most of us would take our chances even knowing what kind of odds we were up against. I know I would,” he added, reaching out to rest a hand on the younger man’s shoulder and applying slight pressure.

The words gave Dalby a good idea of what was going through the younger man’s head after the news they had received. Though he had lost quite a bit himself, it didn’t compare at all to the loss Gerron had suffered at a much younger age. Yes, Dalby had lost his wife, but Gerron had lost his whole family. The Maquis had essentially become the only people the young Bajoran had to rely on, and even then he had kept a distance. Once again, Gerron was dealing with the loss of people whom on some level had become his ‘family’.

Of all his fellow former Maquis, Dalby knew he would be keeping the closest watch on Gerron in the days to follow. Close ties or not, the loss of their comrades was clearly going to be hard on Gerron.

“Why? Why is it always someone else and not me? I’m tired of watching those around me die, while I somehow manage to keep eluding death.”

Gerron pulled his knees up toward him and wrapped his arms around them.

Dalby could hear the defeat in the younger man’s voice. Taking a chance, Dalby moved his hand to Gerron’s other shoulder, attempting to give his friend a sideways hug. Surprisingly, Gerron did not try to shrug off the reassuring gesture.

“Apparently, you’re meant to do something special with your life. To carry on your family’s legacy. And look what you’ve done so far. You’ve not only survived and passed Tuvok’s Security training session, but you’re taking the academy courses to become an officer. I may not have met your parents, but I have a feeling they’d be proud of you.”

“I’d give it all up to be living back on Bajor with my family.”

“I know you would. As happy as I am here on Voyager, if given the chance to be living with my wife, I’d take it. Unfortunately, those aren’t the cards we were dealt, so we make the best of what we got. Personally, I think we’ve both made the most of the opportunity that Voyager has given us.”

“And if we make it back and Starfleet wants to throw us in prison?”

“I prefer not to think about that until we actually do find our way back. Who knows, by the time we make it back, prison might seem like a nice form of retirement.”

Despite the situation, Dalby’s comment got a snort of laughter from Gerron.

“We’re going to be okay and if ever you need reassurance of that, you come and find me, okay? Don’t go bottling everything up inside. I’ve tried that, and it doesn’t help anything.”

Gerron nodded.

“Then what do you say we get out of here and find Henley and Chell,” Dalby suggested, satisfied with the silent acknowledgment. He wanted to see how the other two members of their usual group were taking the news.

“Okay,” Gerron said, straightening out his legs and getting to his feet. Climbing into the jefferies tube behind them, he headed back the way they had come.

“Do you hang out in here a lot?” Dalby asked as they crawled along, noting the ease with which Gerron moved along the confined space.

“It’s a good way to get away from people,” Gerron called back.

The simple reply was all the answer Dalby needed. It also told him where the Bajoran went when nobody could seem to find him.


End file.
